#01 What I Wore: My Writing Routine, Self-Work/Worth and Clothes (Of Course Clothes).
A weekly diary of my clothes, thoughts and challenges...
Welcome to my new weekly series, What I Wore. For a long time I have been ruminating on (yes I am a Libran, I tend to ruminate on most things!) what to offer paid subscribers and this is it. A BTS of my life–my writing routine, creative and personal challenges, parenting wins/woes, what’s on my mind and what I wear week-to-week. I’ll also include personal recs for what I have bought, tried, read and listened to. Parent or non-parent, I’m hoping this will be helpful. I’ll share whatever comes to mind in terms of what I wear, inside and out. Your $5/month (or $50/year will give you access to me. I’ll reply to comments, there’s a paid chat I will startup shortly too. You can also hit reply to this email to ask me anything and I will share any advice via this series.
Below the paywall you will find:
My writing routine and tips for parents and/or those with a day job who want to forge a creative routine.
Worth: both self-worth and my work.
My big goal, and the agony over self-promotion.
What I actually wore for school drop-off/pick-up while working from home.
Writing Routine.
I just drove around for 20 minutes trying to find a car park near my favourite coffee spot. My husband has committed to caring for our six-month-old every Thursday morning. Thursday is the day he has promised for the past five years that he will take off. He’s yet to stick to it, and knowing how challenging it can be to enforce boundaries when you run your own business like he does, we decided we would start with the mornings. I said to my husband what everyone says to new mothers, “you’ll never get this time back. If you don’t make the time to spend with Lando then that time will disappear.” He agreed.
The truth was, I wanted him to commit. More than that, I needed him to commit. And I wanted him to for more than the reason of bonding with our son. I, for five years have been stuck in limbo. “Maybe.” He’d often say. Which I get. I can be a flake myself. Especially when the lines are so often blurred between work and home life. But what I have learnt is that his reluctancy to commit, either way, meant I could not commit to my goal. A goal for a parent, and in my experience and as far as history goes, mothers, is only achievable if our partners take that goal as seriously as we do. If it’s a hobby, then it’s a hobby. There’s nothing on the line. But, if you want to publish a book, grow your subscriber base or earn a decent income, then you really have to respect your craft, and your time, enough to commit to it.
Right now, I am aiming to put together this series every Thursday morning. I do not write in nap time. I know myself well enough to know that I go mad when I’m on a roll and I’m interrupted. Though I may not get everything done on a Thursday morning or a Tuesday when my parents care for Lando (six months) while Freddie (5 years) is at school, at least this gives me a set routine. And no excuses. Other than that, sometimes I stay up at night. Often if it’s a piece I’m itching to get back to. I don’t care if I’m a zombie the next day, I will stay up until 1am and wake at 4am to feed my baby. I have found at night my mind is at ease. The house is quiet and no one needs me. That is when I am able to see things clearly. Mornings or morning pages rarely work for a mother. I have found solace in evening pages. I empty my mind onto the page before I get ready for bed.
My suggestions for parents on how to start a writing or creative routine:
Talk with your partner. Tell them your goals and aspirations and work together on a schedule.
Have set days with childcare locked in.
Consider your environment. I can write at home at night but during the day I’m more productive at a cafe with noise-cancelling headphones on. I find at home I’m always distracted by the washing, the dishes, the mess, and if I start to tidy then that’s cutting into my writing time. Same goes for coffee dates etc. Say no. Hold that boundary. This time is sacred.
Do not try to squeeze in writing during nap times. You can guarantee your child will wake and you will become frustrated. Instead do emails, write to-do lists, personal/kid admin, a workout or reading/research during nap times.
Make use of your Notes App. I know the trend is to go analogue but sometimes our phone is all we have. Jot down ideas, or I’ve even written entire drafts or lists on this while contact napping.
Understand that it’s really fucking hard to parent and work and make space for your own professional growth. It does get easier as your kids grow. But think; what is the alternative? Not writing or pursuing your goals at all? That is much harder.
Go easy on yourself. Some weeks I’m so overwhelmed. Like last week. It was Freddie’s first week at school and he is a very emotional kid. It’s a full time job regulating the emotions of the household. I missed publishing last week and I really hated that but when it comes down to it, my kids come first.
Unpacking worth: both self-worth and my work.
I have been talking to my mentor about the cost of being a creative (emotionally, financially, physically) and the fear of charging a fee or a high fee for my work. I guess it all boils down to what I believe my words are worth, or more to the point, what I am worth. What exactly am I worth? In real estate, my husband has the perfect answer: the house is worth what someone is willing to pay. I think that is also true for creative work. It’s not only about how much we value our work but how much others do too, and journalism/writing is immensely undervalued. My mentor thinks my beliefs are limiting my ability to make money and she is probably right. I guess I feel guilty about charging the average person $5/month knowing that the cost of living is so high and because I enjoy it. Perhaps that is something else I need to work through. Feeling greedy to want both a well paid career and one that I enjoy. I need to reprogram myself to think I’m allowed to have both; enjoy what I do and to charge accordingly.
I remember the first time I got to write a head and sell, or for those who are not journalists, a headline and a subhead. I was interning at CLEO magazine (RIP) and worked beneath one of the most incredible beauty editors. She was so beautiful, savvy and sassy when she needed to be. She was a good person but I wouldn’t have considered her to be a '“nice” person, and I mean this in the best possible way. She knew her worth, a trait I am still envious of. She also knew how to network and play the game. She had already worked in the media industry for a number of years, and had not long had her gorgeous son. She started her career during the golden era of publishing. An era where budgets and resources were unlimited. She gave me a shot at writing, and also at owning a page called ‘Real Beauty’ where I ran upto girls on the street with standout beauty looks and asked what makeup or haircare they were wearing. Which was completely terrifying and thrilling to be trusted by her.
My first words that were published were unpaid. The byline was sideways between the fold in font so tiny you would need a magnifying monocle to read it. This was the very beginning of why I did not even value my own words. I had been taught not to. Throughout my career I have said yes to many “opportunities” that were unpaid. I would have done anything to see my name on the page. When you work in media, you learn pretty quickly that there’s always someone smarter, better, and cheaper waiting to take your seat… at least that’s how it feels. In all honesty, I have not pitched since last year when I did not hear back from the media organisation about this piece after numerous follow ups. Well I heard a another maybe, “I’ll send to a superior”. Perhaps I haven’t pitched because my ego is slightly bruised? Or perhaps I can’t be bothered because mostly I either get no response, or a yes but. “Yes but I’m sorry we have no budget, would you consider letting us publish in exchange for tagging?” Or a fee so low it is almost laughable. After-all, a thick skin is needed when pitching. As
, a brilliant fashion writer shared “Most of my pitches are rejected.” The best writers get rejected daily for many reasons, including budget. I have a lot of work to do on this. I haven’t quite found a sustainable way to pitch. It does take time and energy. Which I’m low on.My long-term goal and the agony of self-promotion.
I filled in a questionnaire for my son’s kindergarten teacher. It asked his strengths then the things he needed help with. I immediately knew it was not writing or reading or anything skill based but internal. “Self-confidence”, I wrote. I know there is an ongoing debate over nurture verses nature but my son is so much like me, especially with his challenges. My long term goal has always been to publish a book. I will not share what kind of book but right now it’s a series of essays. I don’t want to self-publish. I want someone to want to publish a book written by me (external validation may be a thought for another day!). Not only that, but that people would want to buy a book written by me. Some days I do believe I’m a good writer. That I’ve really nailed a few essays but then those dark thoughts of self-loathing seep in. Thoughts that point out the reality that there are so many great writers. Like really fucking great writers and even better marketers who can both write and comfortably self-promote. Anyone can write. Substack has proven that. Sure, not everyone can write well. But does that even matter anymore? There are tonnes of great writers with only a few subscribers, and tonnes of terrible writers with thousands of subscribers. I don’t mean that in a cynical way. I say that as a matter-of-fact. I call myself a writer but I have not been paid to write for a while now. Does that still mean I’m a writer? Some days, I don’t know.
What I wore this week: the highlights.
I can not believe I am a school mum now. Most days I have made a point of getting dressed. When I say get dressed, I mean shower and change into an outfit that does not double as pilates wear. Though, a couple of mornings I did wear leggings as I went from the gym to home to drop-off. This is often the reality for many parents but I have discovered that pairing non-active pieces with my leggings means I feel a whole lot more elevated (for use of a better term!) and like me. I really do not enjoy wearing activewear all day.
Barrel leg cargo pants.
I bought these great pants from Zara when I was pregnant. I sized up at the time so now they hang much lower and are slightly more baggy than I intended but I do like how they sit. I need to make time to have them hemmed but I can get away with them rolled-up. 10/10 comfort.
A classic: jeans + shirt + sneaker.
If you’re ever in doubt of what to wear, this combination will work for almost all occasions, especially when wrangling kids. I like a slimline sneaker, rather than anything too bulky. To me, chunky sneakers look to heavy and distract the eye rather than adding something subtle to an outfit. A loafer would also be great if my jeans were a touch shorter.
Black dress and slippers.
I wore this to a meeting then to a parent/teacher afternoon. I was overdressed in comparison to most, which I kind of always am but I have learnt not to care. I dress for myself. I have a flat chest again now I’m not feeding and feel I suit a low v-style best. I knew as soon as I saw this dress, I had to have it. I bought a size up from my regular size.
Leggings and cashmere.
The weather has been up and down this week and I have relished in adding layers. I tried a pair of Adanola leggings but I have to say I still prefer the fit of the Aligns (open to suggestions in the workout wear department). I literally had to run out the door so I swapped my runners for sneakers to signify that I am not going to workout, added a cashmere knit for just the right amount of juxtaposition, pulled out my hair and slapped on a hat. It’s not ground-breaking but it’s something. I like how my high-neck tank peeks out of the top of my knit and the details of my anklet. You can’t see it in this picture but I know it’s there and anyone who has an eye for detail will notice (I do it for the girls who know, ya know?).
Silk shirts and shorts.
Shorts are a new thing for me. I was vehemently against wearing any shorts ever again but I think I have found the perfect shorts for the women who despise shorts. Size up for a relaxed, mid-waist fit. I like that this look is slightly sloppy but it’s really not. It’s a well-thoughtout fit. I considered the textures together–leather loafers which I step on the back of, a silk shirt, cotton shorts and the anklet which I added my heart pendant to. I wanted an undone bare chest. All calculated for an effortless result.
The pants I wear every week.
This is what I wore today. I was headed to the cafe to write and wanted something comfortable and soft yet polished. These are the hardest working pants in my wardrobe. I love them so much I bought the size up while pregnant too. I’ve decided they are as good as the Gala trouser and a quarter of the price. Take your regular size as they are slightly generous around the waistline.
This is only new, and I’d love for you to comment below with your feedback and also say hi, introduce yourself and share any insights on your routine or go-to fashion pieces. Also please ask me any questions too!
Jade x
We live almost parallel lives Jade. My daughter just started kindy and I have a 1 year old and my husband has is own business and we too live in the Shire.
Loved the tips and love your outfits as always.
Really enjoyed your thoughts on creative work and self-confidence, exploring what is often left unspoken. Thanks Jade