Erin Deering on co-parenting, career and motherhood.
"Being a conscious parent is one thing I so often get wrong..."
HSDI is an interview series featuring mothers within the DD community. Here, we examine the juggle of paid working mothers – we talk motherhood, career, routine, self-care and daycare. I ask the things you actually want to know, like what they outsource, why they work, how they work, keep it together and get out the door each morning.
Can you start by sharing a bit about your family dynamic and what roles each of you take on that helps to keep the household functioning?
Our home is made up of my husband, Zac and our four children: Oscar, Oly, Beatrice and Bobby. We have a full-time housekeeper and three nannies who work on rotation to provide care Monday-Friday 6am-8pm.
Because of our extensive support crew within our household, most of the domestic duties are taken care of. Zac likes to cook, but with his work taking up more time this year (he is a part-owner of Magic Hand Car Wash), we have been eating what the kids usually eat, which is prepared by one of our beautiful nannies.
Zac takes care of Beatle, and Bobby’s kinder runs, as his office is close by, and I drop the two older boys to school every day.
I am usually home at night and switched off from work 5-5:30pm. Zac and I eat dinner with, hang out with, and put the kids to bed whilst our nanny prepares, serves, and cleans up from dinner. A very luxurious setup but one that allows me to enjoy those few hours immensely without any other distractions.
Can you give us a basic rundown of your day – what does your job entail?
I exercise most mornings at 6am. Then I get home and assist with getting all the kids ready for the day. Sometimes, I get ready before school drop off, but often lately, I don’t, as I’d rather spend that time with my kids. I drop the boys at school at 8:15am. We walk in the warmer weather as it’s close, but lately, it’s been cold, and we have been lazily driving!
Then I grab a chai and head home to get ready or crack into some work.
Most days, it’s the standard issue of morning zooms/calls/voice memos, followed by lunch, followed by more of the same thing.
I’m currently in a building / strategic phase, so it’s a lot of planning, a lot of prep and a LOT of talking with different people. It’s so fun this part, with all the ideas coming to fruition after months and months of planning.
I work from home largely at the moment, which I love right now, because Bobby is home three days a week, and I get to then spend time with him.
You’ve always worked for yourself since having children. First running Triangl and now The Work, along with business consultancy – have you ever taken maternity leave? What changed each time? What did you learn from your first to your fourth?
Never really planned it in, so I guess not really?
I worked straight through with Oscar, still posting on Instagram and replying to emails in labour and straight after birth. I didn’t have an option; there was no one else to take over what I did.
It was even worse with Oly, as I had recently separated from his dad and my business partner, Craig, and I’d decided to take over Triangl. So, two weeks after Oly was born (in Hong Kong), I returned to Australia with both boys to visit family, and then three weeks after that, I moved to New York to set up Triangl on my own in the US. In hindsight, I do not know what I was thinking! I had both boys with me, on my own, in the most hectic big city in the world.
It was very different with both Beatle and Bobby. I had them during the pandemic, so Melbourne was in lockdown, and things were still and quiet. I also wasn’t working, really at all, so it was very much what I imagined maternity leave to be like, and I really hated it.
Whilst I don’t encourage what I did with Oscar and Oly, I absolutely thrive on having some ambition in the tank and on the horizon. Any downtime I ever had with those two, I was able to enjoy because I knew I was coming back to a lot of work and a lot to keep me busy, using my brain. With my two youngest, I felt really weird and like I needed to fully embrace this time – but I couldn’t shake how much I missed using my skills. I’m always going to be a working mum, I find it easier to enjoy my time with them when I have my own thing going on.
You co-parent your eldest two – what have you found the best way to navigate this?
It was awful for about four years, and only this year (2023) have we both found peace with it.
Craig and I lived in Monaco together; it was our home, and so when I chose to move back to Australia after exiting Triangl and take the boys, things became extremely challenging for both of us. I never wanted to demand keeping them, but I wanted them with me. It felt impossible for a very long time.
We never had and still don’t have a custody agreement in place, and I am so grateful that we never went down that path, as for us, it would have been incredibly damaging to our family bond forever. Even though it took longer and felt harder, we’ve been able to find our way to a mutual and happy agreement, and I can genuinely talk and think of Craig very fondly, which I know is the best thing for my boys.
I am really proud of how Craig and I both tried so hard to keep the boys out of our issues.
What does your career mean to you – why do you work?
When it was Triangl, and after I had Oscar – I did it more because I felt I should. I didn’t feel a passion or purpose for Triangl by then other than to give me a very comfortable lifestyle, so I worked because I kind of just had to.
It’s a very different story for me now. I had four years off after Triangl to recalibrate to work myself out again. I tried being a full-time mum and tried ‘retirement’, but I didn’t feel mentally fulfilled.
What I’m doing now is so purpose-driven. To be able to share all I’ve learned and been through at Triangl, and during those times personally – is such an honour. I’m supporting others, I’m in service to others – and it’s incredibly motivating.
Selfishly, I feel so good being able to use my business brain again as well. And to finally feel like I have real passion – I know this is something I will keep doing until I physically can’t anymore.
What have you found the most challenging and most delightful about motherhood?
The most challenging initially was the disrupted sleep, and now I find it’s the constant challenge to be my best self so that I can encourage them to be their best selves.
Being a conscious parent is one thing I so often get wrong because it requires patience, presence, and total awareness – and it’s hard!
The most delightful at the moment is seeing them become themselves. Encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. I always feel a rush of happiness when they act in a way they haven’t before, whether it’s a new understanding or new appreciation – I do feel like I’m often a part of their awakening, and it is what drives me the most to continue working on being the version of MY self!
What else do you outsource? What helps to make life a little easier.
A full-time housekeeper is a strongly appreciated luxury for me! As much as I love doing laundry, I don’t want to spend half my day there.
Groceries are ordered two to three times a week, but a nanny will drop into the shops every day if she can to grab things we need on the go. I want to lean into veggie boxes and other small business options soon. Right now, all four kids are eating different foods, so I am not ready to try exotic dishes… yet!
You always look beautiful and put-together. What is your go-to morning routine to get you out the door with four kids?
I have shortened and refined my skincare and makeup routine significantly!
It means I can be on time now and tend to kids more, but also I don’t want Beatle to see her mum obsess over her appearance. So it was something about a year ago that I swiftly changed (I used to be very obsessive and excessive with my appearance!).
I only use an oil cleanser/moisturizer (yes, one product) daily, and I wear concealer, bronzer, blush, brow gel, and lip gloss. Both take less than 10 minutes to finish.
I can’t personally pre-plan outfits as they are usually mood-dependent. I often think of a piece I want to wear whilst in the shower, and then I build it from there based on what I am doing that day. I dress up daily, as it makes me feel good, so I have fun with it.
If my kids come in while I am getting ready, I enjoy it. We have chats, and they often ask the darndest things in those moments!
When I had a newborn, getting ready often meant they had to cry a bit. I was never the mum who left the house without a shower, brushing my teeth, or putting something mildly nice on.
I remember picking up my babies for a cuddle to soothe them for a few minutes, then popping them down for a 2-minute reprieve and repeating this over and over and over again so I could get myself ready.
Any tips for the juggle of work and motherhood – what can others put in place if they are thinking of starting a business?
If I may be brutal, starting a business and really driving it – is a huge undertaking. It rarely can be done without complete dedication, focus and effort. It’s all-consuming. It’s been done and can be done, but it’s bloody tough.
With that being said, planning your day out as much as you can in terms of hours you can focus on the business and setting those boundaries so you don’t end up feeling like you’re failing as a business owner AND mother is super important.
The work I can get done in a focused two hours versus a haphazard and child-distracted six hours is actually quite incredible. If you can, allow yourself uninterrupted (I don’t mean nap time) periods of work because that’s when you can think clearly.
Also, being a business owner means you need a tonne of thinking time. Schedule those walks, long showers, quiet sit-downs, whatever you can get – to think and strategise your business. If you’re always ‘doing’, you’ll find it harder to prop yourself forward.
Daily uniform – Do you have any go-to brands and a formula for looking polished in a hurry?
I am a blazer girl (a coat in winter), as it always adds a layer of polish and makes me look and feel put together. I always choose a fun shoe if I need a little mood booster. A colour or style that’s a bit extra. I am obsessed with proportions, and that’s often where I get a bit stuck because I have an eye that won’t allow for anything other than the right balance – whether it be a cropped top and baggy pants with a chunky sandal or pencil skirt with tucked in shirt and cropped jacket. I have no real formula, but always want to look like I’m having fun with my style.
I’m a Bottega Veneta girl always and forever, and lately into Loewe – both brands renowned for their masculine, effortless, but bold looks. I’d like to start looking at smaller brands and diversify a bit – but I don’t need anything new for a while! I’m currently trying to shop my own wardrobe as much as possible. It’s got enough in there!
Self-care and motherhood often don’t come hand-in-hand, but it is so important, and I know you have a really good routine in terms of exercise and wellness. What self-care practices do you have in place? How do you ensure you take time out for yourself, and how do you make this happen?
I am THE BIGGEST advocate for self first, self-care. There are no prizes for being selfless, and I actually really dislike that word.
I first embody self-first thinking because I know how much it benefits not only me but everyone around me. I feel my children have blossomed since I started putting myself first. It could be a coincidence, but it feels like a pretty direct correlation. I also feel so proud for showing them that it’s important to put themselves first as an adult and take time to do things that will support them in living a really great life.
When I first started doing things for myself, it felt hard, and I had so much guilt, but now it’s very natural and comes to me very easily. It’s less about what I do and when for self-care but knowing when I need to get my balance in check!
Pre-order Erin’s Memoir, Hanging by a Thread. Available September 26.
@erindeering / erindeering.com / The Work Podcast
Playing catch ups on your writing as I enjoy a toddler free coffee & breakfast in the sun at my local cafe. Truly resonated with Erin’s words on self care and putting yourself first. Something I need to do more of - and will feel less guilt after reading this.