On Craving Restraint.
Editing your wardrobe ( and life) down to what's worth keeping.
I am sitting next to my six-year-old son while he colours. He has a habit of starting a drawing, changing his mind, and starting another. Leaving it unfinished, as well as a trail of paper the size of a rainforest. I assure him that smudges and mistakes do not matter. It’s all part of the process. Part of being an artist and part of anything worth our while. He disagrees and continues to scrunch up yet another piece. My husband reminds me to choose my battles. He is right. I, too, have my own battles with perfectionism. I turn my attention to the draft I have been working on for a month or two. Hypocrisy at its finest.
My second child is asleep. At 18 months old, he’s living proof that toddlers only have two speeds: turbo and unconscious. The age gap between them means I exist in two very different seasons of motherhood, simultaneously. For my eldest, I am needed only as the personal assistant, chef, confidante, and private driver. Every now and again, he will whisper, “Will you cuddle me?” I jump at the opportunity. For my youngest, I am his everything. Meaning, by day's end, we are both exhausted, wearing a combination of dirt, sunscreen and aThere's one mystery stain that—we can only hope—is from a rogue chocolate chip.
There’s also a me outside of my children. I work as a writer and personal stylist, mainly from home. Which means the lines between work and home are permanently blurred. I can wear whatever I feel like. But what I have really been craving is simplicity. Not in a Carolyn Bessette Kennedy way, I have not suddenly turned 90s minimalist. I am forever a “midimalist” as Kelly Williams so aptly calls the inbetween.
The simplicity I am suggesting is the ease of good quality basics—100% cotton, cashmere, silk, cuts that work for me not against me, leather shoes, and bras that I am not dying to take-off as soon as I step in the door—knowing exactly what I want to wear, being able to locate it in my wardrobe and wearing it without compromise. This type of craving feels like a combination of decision fatigue brought on by modern living—something my clients and I chat about a lot—and the fact that I am getting older. My taste and my standards are evolving. I no longer want to feel restricted by rules I didn't choose, or overwhelmed by the trend cycle. I am reigning things in.
With this newfound clarity, I edited a lot out of my closet and made a list of items I want to buy or need to upgrade. Restraint is something I think we all need. We all own, buy and consume A LOT. And I get it. I like stuff too. In fact, I lovvveeee stuff! But when life is busy, work is demanding, parenting is 24/7, sometimes your only option, well, the simple option is to refine what you already have. That is, before you add the bells and whistles or perhaps more accurately, the fur and tassels. Refine, before the fun, is what I tell my clients.
Around the time I started editing my own closet, this image (below) from The Row landed in my inbox. Everything I had been trying to articulate clicked into place. It’s like Mary-Kate and Ashley knew I was craving restraint, refinement and simplicity. I sent it straight to one of my clients, who is a The Row wearer. She had been having a mental block with what certain clothes are for. More restriction than restraint. What she really needed was a reframe. This image helped. I was assuring her that I'm, you can wear cashmere to the park, and the look below is how you do it.
If it feels forced, that's restriction. If it feels easy and right, that's restraint. The above outfit is an example of just this. Simple enough to wear with the kids, polished enough to meet a client. Everyone recommends just adding a belt, but to me, a belt, a lot of the time, feels too much. I find myself gravitating towards an earring rather than a belt. Especially when I’m wrestling with my toddler (two seasons, remember?). Plus, it means I am camera-ready if I am going straight from playtime to FaceTime. This works particularly well if the aim is to dress down a more polished outfit. I was recently gifted this pair from a new Australian label, Chloe Charlton (if the name sounds familiar, it’s because she’s ex-Net-A-Porter).
My son is nudging me to close my laptop. Restraint or restriction, I wonder. He's just finished his final drawing. This is the one he declares is his best work yet—a sea creature he spotted at the aquarium last week, apparently. I take his word for it. I look back at my own draft, finally finished, finally enough. Maybe that's all restraint really is. Not necessarily owning less (though the decluttering has calmed my mind), but deciding what's worth keeping. If your wardrobe needs the same kind of edit, I’d love to help — book a free call with me here.
Jade x
so nice to see your email land today, always love your thoughtful take on life and clothes ♥️
My gosh it’s a treat having you land in my inbox!! I love reading what you have to say and this is no exception. I’ve been thinking a lot about how my shopping habits have changed in the last few years and the answer is (in your words) the restraint that I found. This is really, really good Jade.