What Mums Wear: Jennifer Cook, Retail Buyer and Author of Mom Friend.
I feel like I’m finally, at nearly 40, figuring out what I like to wear!
What mums wear is a series that explores the intersection of style, motherhood, career and self. If you know someone I should consider for this series, please reply to this email with their name and IG or Substack details.
Meet:
, retail buyer and author of the brilliant Substack, Mom Friend.
On her 9-5 and getting out the door each morning.
For my day job, I’m a buyer for an independent retail shop in Soho, NYC. I handle everything related to our third party business. I buy goods spanning women’s and men’s apparel, footwear, home goods, accessories, and more.
My weekday mornings can vary, but I usually wake up between 5 and 5:30am. I either get a little work done on my Substack, peruse the news, or go for a run. Though I am a morning person, I start my day with far more cups of coffee than I’d like to admit, and generally only eat my daughter’s leftovers for breakfast. On occasion, I’ll pack some overnight oats for work, but only if I remember to make them the night before, which is rare. My husband usually wakes around 6am, and if I haven’t gone out for a run, sometimes that’s when I’ll hop on my SoulCycle bike. I do my best to at least be showered, if not dressed, by 7 when my daughter wakes. I manage most of the kid feeding/dressing/getting out of the house duties in the morning, which can be a little chaotic.
More often than not it’s my husband that drops her off to our nanny, who we share with a neighbourhood family. He has a bike seat for her and she loves riding the bike, so he’ll usually take her on his way to the gym or the office. That gives me a few extra minutes in the morning to get ready and out the door. Every Tuesday, I teach a yoga class at 7am in Brooklyn, so I don’t get home from that until my husband and daughter are out for the day. I’m normally rushing to get to the office which always makes me feel a little crazed.
On getting dressed for work.
I tend to wear a variation on the same theme every day, so it makes dressing relatively easy. I also live in NYC and don’t have a lot of closet space, which forces me to pare down my wardrobe and makes dressing in the morning far more simple. I usually start with the shoes - is it raining? Will I be doing extra walking today? Will I be on my feet merchandising the floor? Do I have any meetings? I work in a pretty casual environment, and I do walk a lot, so more often than not I’m wearing sneakers. I am also a huge denim person, so most days that’s what you’ll find me in. From there, I rarely stray from a sweater, my favourite oversized blazer, a basic tee, or an oversized button up. Maybe a combination of a couple of those. But really, what I wear each day is mostly determined by what I have on the docket, which is generally just sitting at a desk! I want to look polished and put together in case I need to be customer facing, but also need to be comfortable sitting all day, walking around the city, and on the Subway.
My work uniform, which also happens to be very similar to my every day uniform is a Leset Tee which I have in a few sizes so I can wear fitted or oversized depending on my mood. The oversized cashmere sweater from Aiayu which was a gift from an old job and I’d recommend sizing down. I wear the same oversized blazer constantly. I really only shop at H&M for my kid, but the last time I was there I stumbled on these wide leg jeans and they’re great (size up). I really like the Adidas Taekwondo sneakers and I wear them nearly every day.
On her career and evolving relationship with fashion.
I grew up in a small town in a time before social media and the proliferation of the internet. We only saw fashion as whatever was on the rails at the local mall, and occasionally through pages of teen magazines. It was a different time where access and information was harder to come by for things like luxury brands, especially when they weren’t a part of your immediate world. I’ve always been interested in “clothes” if not “fashion”. This started when I was in high school in the early 2000’s and got my dream job as a retail associate at Abercrombie & Fitch, truly the apex of style at the time in suburban Chicago. Throughout high school and college I was always interested in what I was wearing and clothing in general, but I wasn’t super tuned into magazines, runways, or luxury. I actually think that was a great way to grow up, and I’m glad, looking back, that I wasn’t flooded with ads and served images of luxury fashion and goods I couldn’t afford or access. It was simpler, and honestly allowed me to just be a kid and a teen without worrying so much about keeping up with arbitrary consumption standards and unattainable ideals, you know?
I graduated college in 2009, which was a truly terrible time to enter the job market (my generation knows recessions!). I ended up going back to A&F to be a retail manager, and that’s when I fell in love with retail, more generally. It wasn’t necessarily the clothes at that point, but I loved the energy of being in store, learning about the inner workings of a retail giant, and the psychology behind shopping and consumer behaviour. I then, decided to pursue a Master’s degree in Paris, which is where I was really introduced to the world of luxury and the business side of the fashion industry. I interned at Stella McCartney and learned so much in a short time there. I became fully hooked after that.
My professional relationship with fashion is a little different to my personal relationship with it. I think it would surprise no one to learn that the fashion industry does not pay well, so for those of us starting out in it, actually wearing the clothes that we love and work with isn’t always super realistic. Myself, like many of my peers, instead rely on our generous discounts and allowances from working inside the industry, and that has been a bigger influence on my personal style and relationship with fashion than anything else. Now that I’ve started earning a little bit more and have expanded my breadth of knowledge of brands and style - thanks in part to my job but in part to just becoming more curious - I feel like I’m finally, at nearly 40, figuring out what I like to wear! Being a mom has required me to continue to explore this, as with the necessities of this new life and my changing body my style has started to shift as well. But for the most part, my current style feels more like me than anything I’ve worn before. It finally feels like I’m starting to come into my own, and with that, I am also giving myself a lot of grace and permission to change. For such a long time I felt that working in the fashion industry meant I needed to dress and look a certain way, and I’m so glad I’ve been able to gain the confidence in myself, my work, and my style to finally let that go.
Her best style tip is just to wear what you feel good in.
Full stop. But other than that, my style secret weapon is a baseball cap. Really. On the days I’m just feeling off, or want to add a little something to an outfit, throwing a baseball cap on makes me feel, weirdly, a little bit more put together and chic.
So, what does Jen wear each day?
I’m a notorious outfit repeater and I have zero shame about it! Right now, my heavy rotation includes Apiece Apart Meridian jeans I found on Poshmark for a really great deal, this great Gap sweater, this Sessun blazer, this oversized button up from Skall Studio, these Adidas sneakers that I’m wearing nearly every day, and my trench coat, because our weather here in NYC has been a tad dreary. Some runner ups that I reach towards all the time are these COS pants I like to wear on weekends, and this Uniqlo cashmere crewneck. I also love my Leset Margo, which is a fashion Substack girl staple, Converse Chuck Taylors (both low and high top) and my classic GH Bass loafers. In the necessities department, I always go for Skims underwear and Cuup bras, and given that I’m a yoga instructor and very active, I am a Lululemon superfan - sorry, but their Align program is just the best (I wear these leggings, shorts, and tank - and the leggings/shorts got me the entire way through my pregnancy!). My Nike running sneakers also get a lot of use, of course (similar here).
She’s trying not to shop but her wishlist items are…
It’s really hard to not just want and shop constantly! But right now, I am actively looking for a pair of glove flats like these Mansur Gavriel ones, a pair of baggy ecru jeans like these from Frame, and big old grey sweatshirt, like this one from Sold Out. I’m also dying to get my hands on this white shirt from Naomi Nomi, and these Freda Salvador loafers. Also, one of those beautiful Mediterranean vacations Pinterest keeps serving me…you know the one!
Her mum uniform is…
Jeans and sneakers. I’m almost always in jeans, sneakers, and an oversized sweater. As we get into spring that’ll change to an oversized button down, and in summer just a basic tee or tank. I keep it really, really simple. Pretty much everything I wear these days needs to be machine washable, especially when I’m with the kid. Not a day goes by in which I’m not covered in snot or food - or some combination of both - so my wardrobe has needed to take on a certain amount of sturdiness these days. I also can’t recommend this Baggu cross body enough. It fits wipes, diapers, a sippy cup, some snacks, my sunglasses, wallet, and keys while also allowing me to be hands free to chase after her.
Her favourite places in Brooklyn.
We live in a super family-friendly neighborhood in Brooklyn, so it’s such a lovely place to spend weekends. Saturday we’ll often be at the Fort Greene Farner’s Market, followed by hanging in the park for Hopalong Andrew, which is basically just a big kids concert every Saturday morning. He draws kind of an insane crowd and is really a neighborhood staple. Now that it’s getting warmer he’s back, and it’s such a fun hour to let the kids run and play and dance while the parents hang and catch up and have their coffee. Those trips to the park usually require a stop at a playground and a visit to one of our local favorite coffee shops/bakeries - often Prima or Otway. We’re still napping, so we get a blessed three hours in the middle of the day while the baby sleeps to either get stuff done around the house, and we’ll often rotate monitoring the baby so the other can get out of the house for a bit and feel like a real human out in the world.
On dressing the same even for date night…
If we’re going on a date (what is dates night again?? Jk.), it’s either to a concert or out to dinner, and frankly, I don’t change my wardrobe that much for that! Maybe I’ll toss on a tighter t-shirt or a pair of heeled boots or my big leather motorcycle jacket, but it’s rare we go anywhere that requires getting even a little bit dressed up.
Fortunately, we live in the best city in the world, and with that, we have access to some truly incredible restaurants and venues. My all time favorite restaurant is The Four Horsemen, in Williamsburg, followed by Buvette, in the West Village. Closer to home, I love Entre Nous, a wine bar in Clinton Hill, Gertrude’s (for the burger) in Prospect Heights, and Theodora, even though we’ll likely never get in again. We live about 15 steps away from a great Italian spot called Aita, however, which is often where we end up. I could go on…and this is making me want to write a Brooklyn guide!
On finding the time to write her Substack.
I’m such a morning person - I get my best work done super early when things are quiet and the coffee’s hot. It’s amazing how much I can get accomplished when I don’t have a toddler attached to my leg!! But it’s not always easy. Some weeks the creative juices flow and I feel super inspired and words come easily. Others….not so much. I’m still always, always trying to find balance and get better at setting aside more time for creativity, but I also know that everything is temporary - and some days will just be busier and harder than others.
On ambition and what’s driving her.
Right now, I’m most ambitious about growing my Substack and building something outside of my 9-5. I like my job, and I love working, but I also know how uncertain things are right now, and the drive to build something for myself that only I control is fuelling a lot of my ambition. Especially when it relates to my daughter. I want her to see her mom working hard for something she believes in, and I want to, eventually, have the luxury of freedom in structuring my time. The more I can earn on my own, the more opportunity I have to be the most present mom possible while still maintaining a life outside of motherhood and building wealth - and feeling fulfilled in both! So that desire for both time and financial freedom is really driving everything I do these days.
On identity and style shifts in motherhood and beyond.
The past five years have been a period of vast and rapid transformation for me. I met my partner, who is now my husband. We went through Covid. We got engaged, then married, then had a baby - all within nine months (you can do the math). I changed jobs and with that, went through a slight career pivot. I started my Substack and began building a business for myself. Although five years doesn’t feel like that short of a time period, it really is when you consider all that’s happened! So I do feel like I’ve gone through a period of loss with identity and style, I attribute that to all of the things going on in my life lately, not necessarily just becoming a mother… they all go hand in hand, you know? I think it helped with the transition to motherhood. When everything was so crazy anyways, what’s one more thing to throw at it!
That said, motherhood has been a huge identity shift in general, not just in relation to my style. It’s been an ongoing process trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be, and who I want to show up as for myself, my partner, and my daughter. It’s been a really exciting time - I’ve never felt more motivated, ambitious, and creative - but it’s also been incredibly difficult. I feel a sense of loss of who I used to be, and I’m still, sometimes, mourning her. All of these things can be true. We can feel a sense of loss over who we used to be, our old lives, our old bodies, our old style, while still being so excited to step into a new chapter and figure out who we are as mothers and humans in this world.
Her best advice for new mothers is to trust your gut and to let yourself feel it all.
You know yourself, your family and your kid better than anyone else. So trust that you know what’s best for them and for you. Everything else is just noise. I would also say that there’s not a right or wrong way to parent. I mean, of course there are some things you should never do and some things you should always do, but generally when it comes to things like sleep training, care-taking, feeding, etc. there is no one right answer. Is your baby healthy? Fed? Cared for? Loved? Then you’re fine.
Also, one more thing, if I may. The absolute worst thing that I hated hearing was that the bad moments were all temporary. Because it always felt SO FAR from temporary in the moment, and having people remind me of its fleetingness was never helpful. So yes, as you know, it’s all temporary. But it’s ok to feel all the feels and be stressed and overwhelmed and frustrated and scared and do not diminish those emotions because they mean you are doing it right. Rather than thinking of it as temporary, focus on what you can control. Can you put them down safely and go step away for a deep breath or scream into a pillow? Can you put on soothing music, or yeah, Elmo? Can you pass them off to a family member or neighbor and go for a walk or run to clear your head? Those are the things that I found useful, not thinking about a future of calm that felt like it would never come!
On the realities of being a woman and raising a daughter in America, today.
It’s very scary. I worry every single day about the future she will, or won’t, have. Women’s rights and reproductive freedoms are being stripped away here every day, and I worry about what that means for her future. I worry that she will grow up in a world that thinks less of her, simply because she’s a girl. That she won’t have the same opportunities as everyone else, or as even I had. And I don’t just worry about her. I worry about an entire generation of young people who are growing up in a world that prioritizes profits over people, individuals over community, a few over many. I worry that she won’t have access to life saving care, to birth control, vaccines, or medicine. That she won’t know how to differentiate between truth and fact. That she’ll be bullied, or will bully, and that social media will make it worse. That she won’t have friends that aren’t AI, or that she won’t know how to play, and make believe, and be a kid. That she will know nothing but war, and rage, and hatred, and misogyny.
I know some of these issues are global, but a few are uniquely American, and I do worry about raising her in a place that seems to be losing its grip on what constitutes a great place to live. It’s a scary, and sad, time in the States right now, and it’s why I feel I can’t stop at least mentioning politics in my writing. We are at a crucial time in history when every vote matters, every conversation matters, every protest matters, every action matters, every voice matters. I am hopeful, I have to be hopeful, that things will turn around, that the pendulum will swing the other way, that things will get better. But I am scared. For myself, for her, for all of us.
Even with all the worries of raising kids in the US, Jen finds lightness and joy in the simple things.
When I’m asked what the best thing about being a mom is, I feel I should say something like “watching her become her own person” or “seeing her grow” but right now, it’s her little arm when it wraps around my neck at the end of the night while we're reading books before I put her to bed. There’s no better feeling in the world.
Please not this has been edited for length and clarity.
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I was excited to see a Jen/Jade collide! I find Jen to be so smart and thoughtful and realistically stylish!!
Loved this!