I loved this Jade, much resonated and also connected with how much progress I’ve made as my youngest approaches 4. Recognition of the “trench years” helped, knowing it was a fleeting season, and I’m desperately trying to be brutally clear on what I’m trying to achieve and why. This post made me want to be a Substack genius, but I must remind myself that’s not the goal. Stay focused lady.
The second time I feel more determined to take back my time because I know what will happen if I don’t. Being clear is a large part of it. And being disciplined is hard. It’s so easy to fall into old routines and to have every excuse not to chase a dream. Sometimes it is impossible, literally when you have tiny humans and running on fumes for instance. X
I can absolutely sit with you in this. My outlet turned from creating to thinking in those early months of matresence, which I'm not sure served my mental health all to well to be honest, having this push / pull feeling. Why can't mums be ambitious and have those money conversations without shame or guilt creep? Is this biology or social conditioning? It is an incredible creative time for us, literally we just created life and entered the birth portal. Ideas and creativity are free flowing if we can reach it ... amidst the sleep deprived fog.
I think it’s all of the above! I definitely lost myself when I had my first child. The beauty of the second time around is knowing what you do and don’t want, what you can and can’t go without and how long for.
Gosh! I always find it fascinating how some pieces find you at exactly the right time. I am currently in this debate with myself. Floundering with how to start, where to find the time, how to carve out the time, whether to continue or simply lean into this period… I have no answers (unhelpful) but I absolutely resonate with this piece.
Ah I so believe that too… The right words seem to find us! I think we all search for some sort of solution but there isn’t any apart from childcare and support and discipline.
Absolutely - I really think the only option is childcare especially if you are a person who likes to start something and finish it. I find the stop start or uncertainty of how long (or short) a nap will be frustrating so I end up flustered! Childcare is expensive so if you’re trying to start something can you make enough to cover that? This is my conundrum. But maybe that’s the push one needs to work harder at making it profitable!
Finding time for yourself, navigating motherhood, trying to retain some brain space for...anything else. But you're doing great, and you'll figure out your routine eventually, and then it will change, and change again. This season of life is one with wild ups and downs and inconsistencies and beauty and struggle and I often find myself more than frustrated with it. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the old days of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted! I'm a year and a half in and I still have no idea who I am or what I want to be in this journey, but it's here, so nothing to do but take it day by day.
Thank you for the shout-out! I loved this and can so relate. In those early months, I tried to find solace in the idea that some periods of life are simply for living…and tried to trust that the writing about them would come later. I read as much as I could, often in the Kindle app on my phone in the middle of the night while nursing. But nothing could quench my thirst for extended periods of alone time for writing and thinking and feeling like myself. A napping newborn - for some terrifying indeterminate amount of time - was never enough to allow me to write. Naps were for workouts or naps of my own. I tried to save as much household stuff as possible for when the baby was awake, so that I could use her sleeping time for myself. I could only write if I had childcare or if my husband took the baby in the morning for a couple of hours.
Those naps will consolidate and become more reliable…just as our child learns to chatter and move and demand more of our attention during their waking hours. I struggle with not being able to hold a creative thought while I am with my daughter. I long for solitude when I am with her and often long for her when we are apart! And then I end up writing about this tension, this endless maternal ambivalence.
Holding onto the spark of yourself that wants to write and continuing to nurture it means that the creative spark will be there when you are finally gifted the time.
It feels like I am holding my breath forever yet I look at my eldest and wonder where the time went? Thank you for your kind words and for your brilliant essays. Looking forward to reading more of your work X
Loved this. Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way. The fine dance between some necessary me time, quiet and being present for your kids is hard to balance everyday. ♥️
So good Jade, such a relatable beautifully written piece. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy with all the decision fatigue and thoughts of what I am meant to be doing consuming my mind. Thank you for sharing xx
So comforting to read this and then to see so many others commenting they feel the same way! It’s so easy to think you are what’s wrong but in reality it’s just a REALLY hard season. As always, thank you for writing!! Someone else said these were the “trench years” and boy does that feel true. It’ll pass, but it’s hard!!
Gosh this is so relatable and so beautifully articulated. It's something I've felt deeply as a new mother (my son is 18 months old), a small business owner, and a person who thrives with room to think and be creative. I remember being nap trapped and struggling with the forced stillness of my body whilst my brain still moved at 100 miles an hour. I have lots of iphone notes from that time. I think you're right that childcare is the only solution, and then of course comes the grapple with all the feelings that involves. We added an extra of care this year to give ourselves some breathing space and explore new territories of revenue for our small creative consultancy, a big one of which is my writing which has been a passion on the back burner for many years. But there's something about the limited, uncertain amount of time that makes you become very clear on what is and isn't important to you, and I won't let it rest anymore!
As a mum juggling study and trying to write on this platform, this was spot on! I can definitely relate to the paralysing decision fatigue and snatching tiny snippets of time (someone whose name escapes me referred to this as time confetti, which feels accurate!). I used to rail against having to write under such tenuous conditions, but I'm slowly learning to accept that, at this point in my life, I just don't have the luxury of writing for hours at a time. Thank you for the tips!
What a great roundup of so many amazing resources. Thanks for including my little quip. Yep. But happy to report I’m sleeping a little better at the moment. First time in 11 years I haven’t had a side project/second job
This really spoke to me Jade! My daughter is almost 4 and I too ask myself the same questions. The guilt of wanting something for yourself, but wanting to make the most of time you have with them before they go off and start living a life without you (school etc) it's hard!
I am also super interested at how the business coach will go for you and whether it is something I too should invest in.. I have so many ideas and thoughts which I feel just sit with me and I think the accountability of another would help me push forward.
Resonated with so much of what you said! Beautifully written piece that came just at the right time on my feed. I can so relate to the feeling of “not being present” - I constantly feel like I have 20+ tabs open in my brain, whether I’m with the kids or at my day job
I’m a full time working parent of 2 kids, and I’m trying/struggling to find time to focus on my hobbies, which is now heavily fixated on writing for Substack.
I loved this Jade, much resonated and also connected with how much progress I’ve made as my youngest approaches 4. Recognition of the “trench years” helped, knowing it was a fleeting season, and I’m desperately trying to be brutally clear on what I’m trying to achieve and why. This post made me want to be a Substack genius, but I must remind myself that’s not the goal. Stay focused lady.
The second time I feel more determined to take back my time because I know what will happen if I don’t. Being clear is a large part of it. And being disciplined is hard. It’s so easy to fall into old routines and to have every excuse not to chase a dream. Sometimes it is impossible, literally when you have tiny humans and running on fumes for instance. X
I can absolutely sit with you in this. My outlet turned from creating to thinking in those early months of matresence, which I'm not sure served my mental health all to well to be honest, having this push / pull feeling. Why can't mums be ambitious and have those money conversations without shame or guilt creep? Is this biology or social conditioning? It is an incredible creative time for us, literally we just created life and entered the birth portal. Ideas and creativity are free flowing if we can reach it ... amidst the sleep deprived fog.
I think it’s all of the above! I definitely lost myself when I had my first child. The beauty of the second time around is knowing what you do and don’t want, what you can and can’t go without and how long for.
Gosh! I always find it fascinating how some pieces find you at exactly the right time. I am currently in this debate with myself. Floundering with how to start, where to find the time, how to carve out the time, whether to continue or simply lean into this period… I have no answers (unhelpful) but I absolutely resonate with this piece.
Ah I so believe that too… The right words seem to find us! I think we all search for some sort of solution but there isn’t any apart from childcare and support and discipline.
Absolutely - I really think the only option is childcare especially if you are a person who likes to start something and finish it. I find the stop start or uncertainty of how long (or short) a nap will be frustrating so I end up flustered! Childcare is expensive so if you’re trying to start something can you make enough to cover that? This is my conundrum. But maybe that’s the push one needs to work harder at making it profitable!
It's.so. hard.
All of it.
Finding time for yourself, navigating motherhood, trying to retain some brain space for...anything else. But you're doing great, and you'll figure out your routine eventually, and then it will change, and change again. This season of life is one with wild ups and downs and inconsistencies and beauty and struggle and I often find myself more than frustrated with it. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the old days of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted! I'm a year and a half in and I still have no idea who I am or what I want to be in this journey, but it's here, so nothing to do but take it day by day.
You're doing great. x
Ahhh it truly is. Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad I found your Substack X
Thank you for the shout-out! I loved this and can so relate. In those early months, I tried to find solace in the idea that some periods of life are simply for living…and tried to trust that the writing about them would come later. I read as much as I could, often in the Kindle app on my phone in the middle of the night while nursing. But nothing could quench my thirst for extended periods of alone time for writing and thinking and feeling like myself. A napping newborn - for some terrifying indeterminate amount of time - was never enough to allow me to write. Naps were for workouts or naps of my own. I tried to save as much household stuff as possible for when the baby was awake, so that I could use her sleeping time for myself. I could only write if I had childcare or if my husband took the baby in the morning for a couple of hours.
Those naps will consolidate and become more reliable…just as our child learns to chatter and move and demand more of our attention during their waking hours. I struggle with not being able to hold a creative thought while I am with my daughter. I long for solitude when I am with her and often long for her when we are apart! And then I end up writing about this tension, this endless maternal ambivalence.
Holding onto the spark of yourself that wants to write and continuing to nurture it means that the creative spark will be there when you are finally gifted the time.
Xoxo
It feels like I am holding my breath forever yet I look at my eldest and wonder where the time went? Thank you for your kind words and for your brilliant essays. Looking forward to reading more of your work X
Loved this. Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way. The fine dance between some necessary me time, quiet and being present for your kids is hard to balance everyday. ♥️
My goodness this was so relatable - thank you for sharing.
So good Jade, such a relatable beautifully written piece. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy with all the decision fatigue and thoughts of what I am meant to be doing consuming my mind. Thank you for sharing xx
So comforting to read this and then to see so many others commenting they feel the same way! It’s so easy to think you are what’s wrong but in reality it’s just a REALLY hard season. As always, thank you for writing!! Someone else said these were the “trench years” and boy does that feel true. It’ll pass, but it’s hard!!
Gosh this is so relatable and so beautifully articulated. It's something I've felt deeply as a new mother (my son is 18 months old), a small business owner, and a person who thrives with room to think and be creative. I remember being nap trapped and struggling with the forced stillness of my body whilst my brain still moved at 100 miles an hour. I have lots of iphone notes from that time. I think you're right that childcare is the only solution, and then of course comes the grapple with all the feelings that involves. We added an extra of care this year to give ourselves some breathing space and explore new territories of revenue for our small creative consultancy, a big one of which is my writing which has been a passion on the back burner for many years. But there's something about the limited, uncertain amount of time that makes you become very clear on what is and isn't important to you, and I won't let it rest anymore!
As a mum juggling study and trying to write on this platform, this was spot on! I can definitely relate to the paralysing decision fatigue and snatching tiny snippets of time (someone whose name escapes me referred to this as time confetti, which feels accurate!). I used to rail against having to write under such tenuous conditions, but I'm slowly learning to accept that, at this point in my life, I just don't have the luxury of writing for hours at a time. Thank you for the tips!
What a great roundup of so many amazing resources. Thanks for including my little quip. Yep. But happy to report I’m sleeping a little better at the moment. First time in 11 years I haven’t had a side project/second job
Thank you for giving me hope. And a huge congratulations for all of your hard work and brilliant newsletter!
This really spoke to me Jade! My daughter is almost 4 and I too ask myself the same questions. The guilt of wanting something for yourself, but wanting to make the most of time you have with them before they go off and start living a life without you (school etc) it's hard!
I am also super interested at how the business coach will go for you and whether it is something I too should invest in.. I have so many ideas and thoughts which I feel just sit with me and I think the accountability of another would help me push forward.
Resonated with so much of what you said! Beautifully written piece that came just at the right time on my feed. I can so relate to the feeling of “not being present” - I constantly feel like I have 20+ tabs open in my brain, whether I’m with the kids or at my day job
I’m a full time working parent of 2 kids, and I’m trying/struggling to find time to focus on my hobbies, which is now heavily fixated on writing for Substack.
It’s
Not
Easy